Week 62: Personal letter to Kate

Ciao bella! My sweet sissy. How are you? Honestly you can just tell me how you are and what you're really feeling and how mad you are at the world right now. I can't even imagine and I won't try to pretend like I can. I'm so sorry Katie:( my heart broke for you when I heard the news. You don't deserve this at all. You are such a good & righteous & kind girl and you deserve your senior year! You worked so hard to recover and you played so well in your first 9 games. I wish I could take this trial from you I really wish I could. I have been praying & fasting & pleading for God to send all of my blessings to you this week. I hope you feel my love for you, but more importantly God's love for you.

I know you are mad. Confused. Frustrated. All the things. I can't tell you exactly what you are feeling but I can imagine you are thinking to yourself "why would God do this to me?? I have lived a good life and made good choices and all I want is to be able to play the one thing in the world that brings me so much joy and He took that away from me. I thought He loved me? I thought He cared about me? Where even is He in all of this?" I imagine you are thinking something like that. Because heck when I found out what happened, i was thinking all those things for you! Like "Why God???" Seriously was upset about it all week. I couldn't stop thinking about you and how you were feeling. One morning during my personal study I decided I wanted to study for you. It's something I've done before on my mission. Sometimes i will study for my companions or investigators or members. And it's really cool because whenever I study for a different person, it always ends up helping me just as much. So anyways, I said a prayer and asked God to help me find the things you would need to hear. I hope something I write in this email will help you feel a little better.

I ended up finding one of the best talks in the world. It's called "But If Not..." by Dennis E Simmons. I want you to read it tonight before you go to bed if you can:) like I said, I don't know how you feel and it's not my place to tell you how to feel better, but this talk Kate is for YOU.

I really want you to read and study it for yourself so I'm not going to tell you everything that's in it but I want to talk about a few of my favorite parts. It talks about the true definition of Faith. Sometimes we seem to think that faith is having a hope or desire for a certain thing to happen. Like having the faith to find someone prepared to receive the gospel. Or having faith to be healed. But truly that is not Faith. Faith is trust in Jesus Christ and his mercy. In the talk he says, "Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does. Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him." So Kate never think you don't have enough faith. You have so much faith! I am amazed by your faith. Because although you are going through this hard trial, you can be confident that the Savior has been through this too. He knows how you feel and He is there for you to rely on. The talk goes on to talk about how many times in the scriptures the people trusted the Lord to bless them, "but if not" they still trusted in his purposes.

These "but if not" experiences are what shape us, build us and form us into greater disciples of Christ. Because it is in these moments when we have to decide, trulyyy decide how strong our faith is. We can choose to trust God or we can choose to walk away from him. But when we choose Him, we win everytime. Paul explains it beautifully:

"And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

It seems pretty messed up that when we are weak, then we are strong. But if you really thing about it, it's so true. Think about a muscle. We aren't just born with big strong muscles. We have to work and strengthen them little by little and then eventually they get stronger and stronger each day. It's like us. When we go through these "weak" times in our lives we come out of them stronger than ever before. Not just physically, but spiritually. If life was all butterflies and roses we wouldn't need God or Jesus or the gospel. But we live in a mortal world and we are mortal and we have trials. Some happen from our own choices, some happen because of others choices, and some happen for no specific reason at all. And I know everyone always says "God gives his toughest trials to his strongest soldiers" but to be honest I don't believe in that. God doesn't give us trials. He doesn't wave his wand and send us hardships so we can learn to be better. Like I said, trails come from this mortal world that we live in. He doesn't give us these trials, but he allows us to go through them and to grow from them. 

So Katie, I hope you know that God loves you. He's there. He hasn't left! And He never will. He is with you every step of the way. Give this trial to Him and let Him turn it in to something beautiful. Something that strengthens you and helps you strengthen others. I know one day in the future you are going to look back on this time in your life and truly see how much you grew from it. Remember that His love for you in infinite. I know it's hard to feel sometimes. Trust me I know. I have gone through periods in my life and in my mission where I felt like I was so far from it. But I promise you Kate, if you kneel down tonight and ask God to feel His love for you, ask Him knowing and expecting to receive it, He will let you know how much you mean to Him. I promise you that. I know He will because He has done it for me. Time and time again:)

I love you so much!

- Mads